Better times to come

During the past three weeks I stayed in bed with a huge bronchitis, sinusitis and so on. I overslept whole days. But finally I'm feeling a little better. Things will get better now.


Unfortunately I had to go to the vet with Lina yesterday morning because I discovered two more tumours and he had to put her to sleep. I was so sad, I kneed in front of the table where she lied and cried. After that I went to a park, searched for the nicest spot there on a hill and made a funeral for her.
It is so crazy how I adored this little little pet after only two years. She will always be in my heart.

xoxo

Mel

So sad

At the moment, nothing is going well. I'm really sick and unhappy in fact of many reasons.

The biggest reason is: yesterday I discovered two big tumours on Linas chest. You know, Lina is my Dsungarian Hamster and I love her to the moon.


She is the loveliest pet I've ever had and the vet told me, he can't do anything for her.
I feel so helpless and sad. I try to give my best to give her as many good days as possible. But inside of me I'm crying my heart out.

xoxo

Mel

Little critters

Hej everybody,

the last few months have been very busy for me. I passed my final exams and I’m finished with the whole subject for now. I still don’t have concrete future plans, but at the moment I’m working at a nice company to finish a second apprenticeship I started in March. This will due till February and after that I will decide, what to do and where to work next.
But I’m really happy with the new situation. No more 14-hour-days alone at the library. So I’m done with the past and excited when I look ahead. And during the past days, I noticed that I’m getting more calm and serene with every new day and I love it.

Since 8 weeks I habe three new critters, I want to show you :)
You may ask how I got such spezial critters like Achat snails.

This is Amanda:

Some years ago in January a very little snail sat in the salad I bought at the grocery. I called the snail Rainer and he lived till August in a big glass in my flat. Then I brought him to the wood and abandoned him.

Years later I visited a zoo with my ex-boyfriend. They had a section with reptiles and insects. And in one big terrarium, I saw the biggest snail shells I’ve ever seen in my life. Achat snails from Africa. I was so fascinated and didn’t believe my eyes. And I said "When I’m grown up, I really want to have some Achat snails as pets at home.“

8 weeks ago I was grown up ;) One of my best friends gets to know someone who studies biology at university. And they are currently discussing Achat snails. So we asked him, if we can get some of them and after 2 weeks, me and my friend got three mini Achat snails each.

As you can see, within 8 weeks, they are not mini anymore ;) And they will grow and grow rapidly.

I will show you some new pics in a few weeks, you will be surprised, I think.

Hope you are all well. Have a nice and sunny weekend.

xo, Mel

Dani had the great idea to make summer goals. I haven't done this ever before, but I love the idea and I love making plans and lists anyway.

So here's my list for summer 2011:

1. Get in a relaxed mood and stay in it, come what may.

2. Taking much more photos than I did during the past years.

Between 2004 and 2007, my sister and me took our camera everywhere with us and took so many great pictures. Since then, we got slacked off and took the camera only with us once in a while. I promise that will change now and this summer we will take tons of great pictures.

3. Visit (open air) concerts constantly this summer. The last concert I’ve been to, took place more than one year ago. It was a concert by Devendra Banhart in Amsterdam. But I really can’t believe this happened so long ago.

4. Reading while lying on my balcony. Perfect to relax.

5. Having picnics once a week. I love preparing food and everything for picnicking. I will come up with lots of new and nice places for picnic and I’m really excited by now.

6. Meeting friends I haven’t seen for a long time due to my exams.

7. Cooking with fresh vegetables and eating lots of summer fruits like strawberries etc.

8. Go horse-riding ;) Last summer, I took riding lessons. My teacher was 70 years old and - I swear - he was much more fit and athletic than me. It was a lot fun, but in the end I had to start working for the tests and had to end it. But I will start again.

9. Getting new decorations for my flat and the balcony. Trying some DIYs, but first of all making a great spring-cleaning.

10. Trying new things I’ve never done before. For example, I always wanted to try wakeboarding. This summer will definitely be the time for this.

After doing this list, I'm much more excited ;)

Back and alive

I'm so very sorry for my long absence on the blog. I'm the worst blogger ever, I know...
As some of you know, the last few weeks have been very busy for me. I'm now finished with the written part of my exams. In three months I'll get the results. So now I'm totally excited and ready for a new start. I try to minimum write two posts a week from now on.
Some weeks go, I also started a Tumblr. Here's the adress, if you are interested:
http://webofsound.tumblr.com/
I have so many plans and such a long list for upcoming things I want to do. I hope I can realize as much of my plans as possible. This year there will be lots of changes in my life. First of all my exams, but there are nevertheless so many other things. Some of them already started yet.
Although the past time was very stressful, I don't regret it, when I look back now, because I have to realize, that I learned a lot. I learned working by focusing on the point, fight ingthrough difficult tests and exercises and hard times at all without giving up. I know, I have the best family and friends in the whole world on my side. They support me wherever and whenever they can. Now I'm much more optimistic than before and trained in making decisions and defend them.
Last week, I started a whole new "work-thing". Perhaps I will tell you later about it. For now, I just wanted to let you know, I'm back and happy and I've got lots of ideas for blogging.
There are many things to come ;) Hope you're all well!!!

xo, Mel

Stay focused on yourself a while

This is one of my resolutions for 2011. The first one on my list and a really important one, I think. I remind myself of this some times in the past and when I try to realize this rule for me, it varys, how good I make it. “Stay focused” means for me, to do everything you do during the day with your whole heart, trying not to be distracted from someone or something at this point. When I eat, I eat and concentrate on the great food I give to my body. When I read something, I read and try not to think about my shopping list for three hours later. Especially when I learn, I really focus on learning. It’s hard to hold your thoughts together and not to zone out. But I know I can do it. And if I do so, I recognize that everything feels more intense. Often, people don’t realize, that there are racing thoughts in their heads while they were doing normal things like listening to music, walking, reading or cooking. If you stay focused on what you are doing right now, you do not allow yourself to think about small or big problems the whole time. Mostly permanent thinking about problems won’t help you, but makes you feel nervous. Staying focused should not mean that you should ignore other people or important things that happen. It simply means not to let your mind wander but to bundle your thoughts and energy to do, what you have or want to do in this moment. If you try this, let me know, how it works. xo, Mel.

In the snow globe

Snow snow snow. This year, Germany is so snowed in. 30cm only last night....and there has been a ton of snow already. I can't remember when we had so much snow at last. I am not able to use my car. And I don't know, how to reach my Moms home for christmas eve today. She lives in our neighbour-city, 40 km away. I hope we'll get there by train...if there's still a train.

We have a huuuuge christmas tree in our city, that consists of 1.700 Norway spruces. Although it looks really I great, I find it sad to cut down so many trees only for the 4 or 5 weeks, the christmas tree is standing in our downtown.

A few days ago, my sister and I baked some scones. We would so much like to go to Britain again. Can't wait to be there...hopefully next year. We ate the scones with cherry-jam and self-made clotted cream and drank some black tea with milk. Felt very british ;)
During a trip to Cologne two weeks ago, I bought some chai latte at the English Store there.

Now I will pack my bags and try to catch a train to my Mom for christmas eve. Hope you will all have some relaxed christmas days with your family and friends.

xo, Mel

The silence of fallen snow

At the moment, Germany is snowed in. During the last two weeks, we had tons of snow here and driving in my car is always an adventure. Some days ago, I went to a deer park with a friend.We were the only visitors and the gate at the entrance of the park was open. Nobody sat at the cash point, so we just went in.

Even the slot machines for the animal food were frozen. But we were lucky and got one parcel with sweet corn that wasn't frozen.

After many weeks of illness, I lately decided to write my exams in February. Now I'm back and healthy again. I try to eat organic food, do my workout regularly and not to stress me as much as I did in the past. I hope this will pay off.

Hope you all have a nice pre-Christmas time ;)

xo, Mel

We're in it together so I love you forever

♥

"You must be sisters"

I can't express the love that I'm feeling for my little sister. I'm so thankful to have her in my life. She is always there for me and the only person who understands me, no matter what happens.

In love with…Janet Fitch

Some weeks ago, I stumbled upon an audio book from Janet Fitchs „Paint it black“. Since I learned so much and spent my whole daytime in the library, I am not able to read books in my free time for fun. So I listen to audio books most of the time when I’m driving in my car. From the first minute, I listened to “Paint it black”, I was in love.

The story - which plays in 1980s punk rock LA - started with the suicide of Josie Tyrells boyfriend Michael. In reviews, Josie remembered the special relationship between her and Michael, who was a Harvard dropout with excentric artist parents, who wanted to become a painter. He shows Josie a world that was largely unknown for her. Josie in contrast to him is a teen runaway, a nude art model and sometimes an actress in some student films. Most of the things she does, are to make enough money to keep her life with lots of cigarettes, alcohol and hard drugs going.
In the progress of the story, Josie is dealing and struggling with this huge catastrophe of Michaels death, that hits her unexpected. She tries to find out, what kind of man Michael was, figuring out his dark sides and deep secrets while she wanted to hold onto the world they both shared before. A central question in this story is: What happens with the dream, when the dreamer is gone?
During her search, Josie met Michaels mother, who is a famous concert pianist and holds Josie responsible for the suicide of her son. The two women develop an intense relation between anger, doubt and after a while, they realize that they need each other.

The story, Janet Fitch created, is so intense and powerful about passion, love and loss. She takes you with her to a journey you didn’t expect in the beginning. I couldn’t stop thinking about the whole story for two or three weeks. It’s like the story is breathing and it banned and fascinated me.

"Loneliness is the human condition. Cultivate it. The way it tunnels into you allows your soul room to grow. Never expect to outgrow loneliness. Never hope to find people who will understand you, someone to fill that space. And intelligent, sensitive person is the exception, the very great exception. If you expect to find people who will understand you, you will grow murderous with disappointment. The best you'll ever do is to understand yourself, know what it is that you want, and not let the cattle stand in your way."

— Janet Fitch

Janet Fitch is well known for her famous novel White Oleander, which is also such a great book, that was filmed some years ago.

Here’s her blog:
http://janetfitchwrites.wordpress.com

“The world described in Paint It Black is a bleak place filled with misery and suffering. It is a world where people are not always what they seem, where happiness, if possible, is fleeting, and where love, that oft touted panacea for all the assorted ills that afflict humanity, does not necessarily cure all that might ail you.”
From the review of Jack Goodstein, a professor emeritus at California University of Pennsylvania.

Short trip to Alaska, Africa and Asia

Sorry for my long absence on the blog. I'm currently learning for my exams. The tests will start in two and a half week and I'm stressed and really excited.

But last week, I took a break and went with two of my friends to the zoo. Just to clear my head in the current situiation and have fun with my friends. It was a great day. After 6 hours outside, it got a little cold. I took some pictures, here they are:

This is the entrance of "Alaska". The zoo has three parts (Alaska, Africa, Asia), and I like that you almost see no fences anywhere. Either the animals are behind glass panes or seperated by moats.

When we came to the sea lions, we were lucky to see the feeding. I loved how fast they could dive and how funny they look under water ;)

Finally we came to "Asia" and while it began to dawn, lots of really huge bats came out and flew through the big hall, which was a bit like a greenhouse. The bats were really sooo huge. They seem to me like some pterosaurian :)

It was a fun day. I hope I will find some time in the next weeks for some blogging. But now you know that my absence is caused by my exams. After that I will definitely be back regularly.

xo, Mel

~ Let's get lost ~

Sometimes I wish to let everything behind me, pack my bags and go wherever the wind blows me to. Perhaps just by myself. Like Elliott sings "Burning every bridge that I cross to find some beautiful place to get lost". At the moment I'm sitting on my balcony, packed in a fleece suit and starring in the rain, thinking.
Actually I'm on my way to my final exams, which start in 5,5 weeks. Time flies by and while I was lying in bed (the last weeks) with a huge bronchitis and a cough that scares me a lot, because it sounds like I work in a coal mine or something, I had to work, to learn and especially to write every day exercise tests. But...I couldn't. I don't know why. This is the first time in my life, I am really paralyzed in front of some tests. Perhaps my illness doesn't go away due to this current situation. But now I HAVE to make a new start. Being positive again and strong like I was in the past and don't let my stressed nerves freak me out. One of my best friends is telling me the whole time, I won't pass my exams, if I don't learn myself to death right now. What she means is: learning from 8 a.m. to 10 p.m. But I know myself and I know this doesn't work out for me. If I will do that, I'm getting more and more stressed and in the end I will be more worn out than I'm actually are right now.
The problem is: I don't like the subject I'm learning for. I didn't like it during the past, but I didn't quit. It doesn't matter what it is. But I have quickly find a sense in it, because if I wait any longer, it really IS too late. I have to find a way to pass through this next weeks. The tests will go over 2 weeks. After that I'm free. I hope someone believes in me. I know many people who doesn't. But my little sister is always on my side and honestly the best friend you could ever imagine. I don't want to sound so depressed or desperate. I know, times are getting better and anyway, I will go through this all. But at the moment, this is really hard and I try not to wack out. Have you ever been to a similar situation? And how did you deal with it?

Love love, Mel <3

Trip to Botanical Garden

Last weekend, we went to the botanical garden of my ancient university. I often go there at the moment to learn in the library, because the environment is so familiar for me and I'm not alone while I'm sitting there and reading textbooks. When I'm feeling lonely, I can make a call and one of my friends is always available for coffee. Last saturday, we went to the botanic garden, to enjoy nature. But there were so many people. During the week, when I sometimes go there,
there is always just me :)

There is an old tank or pool...whatever. Some weeks ago, a lovely friend of mine showed me, that in this pool are about 10 huge koi-carps and hundreds of small other fishes. They come to the border of the pool and we can feed them. It's amazing, they are so huge and make loud noises when they eat. I tried to make some pictures, but the quality is really bad. I'm sorry for this. Always, I pushed the button on my camera, the kois submerged. It seemed, they didn't want to be photographed. But here are my trials:

The flower has the same colour than my nail polish ;)

Last but not least: me. I'm looking a bit of sad, but I think this comes of my bronchitis, that doesn't go away since 5 weeks and I'm really pissed off. This weekend I nearly spent the whole time in bed, trying to sleep as much as I can to get ready for the week and for learning. My exam tests will start in 6 weeks and I'm so getting nervous. I hope from tomorrow on, everything is getting better :) New week, new luck!

Hope you all have a good start in this week! Love, love, Mel <3

Update on Lina

After some weeks of medication and care, Lina is now feeling well and fit ;) She behaves in a normal way and during the night, she runs in her bogie wheel and collects lots of grains. Due to the last weeks, she got even more gentle. And if I took her on my hand, she cuddles up to me. I think, she knows exactly, that all the bad experiences at the vet and with the medication, that tasted really bad for her, helped her to get better and now being healthy again.
Hope she's keeping well for the rest of her life <3

Dance Dance Dance ♥

Devendra Banhart - A Ribbon

BIG LOVE <3

Brave Lina

A few weeks ago, I introduced my Djungarian Hamster Lina to you. She's the cutest little animal in the whole world. Last week, she got very ill. I thought she would die, although she isn't even one year old. I ran to the vet several times, who is fortunately in my block. In the end, he had to operate on Lina. This was very risky due to the fact, that those extreme small animals often die under anesthetics. But luck was on our side!!! Lina was so brave. And while I was sitting in my room, praying for her little life, she fighted like a lion and survived the surgery. The vet was surprised by her and my dedication, because I read everything in the web about her illnes and how I could help her and asked him thousands of questions. Now she is getting better with every day. I have to give her antibiotics and pain killer and she sleeps a lot. But during the night, she is collecting grains again, so I know, she is getting better ;)

Courage and Control

It’s time to let your hair down
and give yourself permission
It takes courage and control
But you start by letting go
B. Boyd

I really need tons of courage right now and for the next two months...

Help wanted

Since my last post yesterday, the "About" and "Follower" sections of my blog are all at the bottom of the blog. I didn't do anything, it just happened. I tried to change the settings at the Design and Layout sections at Blogger, but it didn't help.

Can anyone tell my how I get these things back to their place right beside the first post on the page?

I hate it as it is actually...please help!

Thanks to everyone,

Mel

♥ Lovely Leeds ♥

Since my little sister studied for one semester in Leeds (UK) three years ago, I discovered my love for this city and for Britain itself. In the past years we've been there at least once a year for leisure. Three weeks ago, we made a 6-day-trip to Leeds and it was wonderful, like every time we go there.

Here are some pictures. More to come by and by :)

An owl is the heraldic animal of Leeds. I think this is great because I so much love owls :) Everywhere in the city you can find owls, like these ones ahead, which are on a bridge. But on many buildings you find golden owls or stone owls...owls in all variations and I love it.

One day we went to the City Art Gallery, where you can find world class collection of 20th century British art. They are presenting exciting temporary exhibitions there and they have also an excellent café. We ate delicious scones with rasperry jam and clotted cream and drank English tea <3.



Leeds has a beautiful waterfront and this year we had an apartment directly there.

The city is the heart of the West Yorkshire Urban Area and near an district which is called "Yorkshire Dales". A part of it is a National Park. The Dales are a collection of river valleys and hills among them. You find lots of old English stone walls and flocks of sheep. You can take wonderful long walks, visit caves or just sit and enjoy the beautiful landscape. During our trip we met two gentlemen (I think they were about 60 years old), John and Richard, who walked with us and told us the whole time about British history, politics and the Yorkshire Dales. They were on a one-week-trip through the Dales. It was really funny with them ;)