Sometimes I wish to let everything behind me, pack my bags and go wherever the wind blows me to. Perhaps just by myself. Like Elliott sings "Burning every bridge that I cross to find some beautiful place to get lost". At the moment I'm sitting on my balcony, packed in a fleece suit and starring in the rain, thinking.
Actually I'm on my way to my final exams, which start in 5,5 weeks. Time flies by and while I was lying in bed (the last weeks) with a huge bronchitis and a cough that scares me a lot, because it sounds like I work in a coal mine or something, I had to work, to learn and especially to write every day exercise tests. But...I couldn't. I don't know why. This is the first time in my life, I am really paralyzed in front of some tests. Perhaps my illness doesn't go away due to this current situation. But now I HAVE to make a new start. Being positive again and strong like I was in the past and don't let my stressed nerves freak me out. One of my best friends is telling me the whole time, I won't pass my exams, if I don't learn myself to death right now. What she means is: learning from 8 a.m. to 10 p.m. But I know myself and I know this doesn't work out for me. If I will do that, I'm getting more and more stressed and in the end I will be more worn out than I'm actually are right now.
The problem is: I don't like the subject I'm learning for. I didn't like it during the past, but I didn't quit. It doesn't matter what it is. But I have quickly find a sense in it, because if I wait any longer, it really IS too late. I have to find a way to pass through this next weeks. The tests will go over 2 weeks. After that I'm free. I hope someone believes in me. I know many people who doesn't. But my little sister is always on my side and honestly the best friend you could ever imagine. I don't want to sound so depressed or desperate. I know, times are getting better and anyway, I will go through this all. But at the moment, this is really hard and I try not to wack out. Have you ever been to a similar situation? And how did you deal with it?
Love love, Mel <3
Actually I'm on my way to my final exams, which start in 5,5 weeks. Time flies by and while I was lying in bed (the last weeks) with a huge bronchitis and a cough that scares me a lot, because it sounds like I work in a coal mine or something, I had to work, to learn and especially to write every day exercise tests. But...I couldn't. I don't know why. This is the first time in my life, I am really paralyzed in front of some tests. Perhaps my illness doesn't go away due to this current situation. But now I HAVE to make a new start. Being positive again and strong like I was in the past and don't let my stressed nerves freak me out. One of my best friends is telling me the whole time, I won't pass my exams, if I don't learn myself to death right now. What she means is: learning from 8 a.m. to 10 p.m. But I know myself and I know this doesn't work out for me. If I will do that, I'm getting more and more stressed and in the end I will be more worn out than I'm actually are right now.
The problem is: I don't like the subject I'm learning for. I didn't like it during the past, but I didn't quit. It doesn't matter what it is. But I have quickly find a sense in it, because if I wait any longer, it really IS too late. I have to find a way to pass through this next weeks. The tests will go over 2 weeks. After that I'm free. I hope someone believes in me. I know many people who doesn't. But my little sister is always on my side and honestly the best friend you could ever imagine. I don't want to sound so depressed or desperate. I know, times are getting better and anyway, I will go through this all. But at the moment, this is really hard and I try not to wack out. Have you ever been to a similar situation? And how did you deal with it?
Love love, Mel <3
Mel,
ReplyDeleteJust focus on one thing @ a time and you can get through your exams and kick bronchitis' ass! I believe in you! One step .. one day at a time. Don't let the stress over take you. I know it's easier said than done, but remember to take lots of deep breaths, take breaks when you need to, and rest your mind.
I love your writing :) And I agree with the comment above - Don't discourage yourself by thinking of ALL that stuff that needs to be done, but do what you have to one bit at a time. And before you know it, your exams will be over and you'll have come a bit further in life :)
ReplyDeleteGood luck dearie!