We're in it together so I love you forever

♥

"You must be sisters"

I can't express the love that I'm feeling for my little sister. I'm so thankful to have her in my life. She is always there for me and the only person who understands me, no matter what happens.

In love with…Janet Fitch

Some weeks ago, I stumbled upon an audio book from Janet Fitchs „Paint it black“. Since I learned so much and spent my whole daytime in the library, I am not able to read books in my free time for fun. So I listen to audio books most of the time when I’m driving in my car. From the first minute, I listened to “Paint it black”, I was in love.

The story - which plays in 1980s punk rock LA - started with the suicide of Josie Tyrells boyfriend Michael. In reviews, Josie remembered the special relationship between her and Michael, who was a Harvard dropout with excentric artist parents, who wanted to become a painter. He shows Josie a world that was largely unknown for her. Josie in contrast to him is a teen runaway, a nude art model and sometimes an actress in some student films. Most of the things she does, are to make enough money to keep her life with lots of cigarettes, alcohol and hard drugs going.
In the progress of the story, Josie is dealing and struggling with this huge catastrophe of Michaels death, that hits her unexpected. She tries to find out, what kind of man Michael was, figuring out his dark sides and deep secrets while she wanted to hold onto the world they both shared before. A central question in this story is: What happens with the dream, when the dreamer is gone?
During her search, Josie met Michaels mother, who is a famous concert pianist and holds Josie responsible for the suicide of her son. The two women develop an intense relation between anger, doubt and after a while, they realize that they need each other.

The story, Janet Fitch created, is so intense and powerful about passion, love and loss. She takes you with her to a journey you didn’t expect in the beginning. I couldn’t stop thinking about the whole story for two or three weeks. It’s like the story is breathing and it banned and fascinated me.

"Loneliness is the human condition. Cultivate it. The way it tunnels into you allows your soul room to grow. Never expect to outgrow loneliness. Never hope to find people who will understand you, someone to fill that space. And intelligent, sensitive person is the exception, the very great exception. If you expect to find people who will understand you, you will grow murderous with disappointment. The best you'll ever do is to understand yourself, know what it is that you want, and not let the cattle stand in your way."

— Janet Fitch

Janet Fitch is well known for her famous novel White Oleander, which is also such a great book, that was filmed some years ago.

Here’s her blog:
http://janetfitchwrites.wordpress.com

“The world described in Paint It Black is a bleak place filled with misery and suffering. It is a world where people are not always what they seem, where happiness, if possible, is fleeting, and where love, that oft touted panacea for all the assorted ills that afflict humanity, does not necessarily cure all that might ail you.”
From the review of Jack Goodstein, a professor emeritus at California University of Pennsylvania.

Short trip to Alaska, Africa and Asia

Sorry for my long absence on the blog. I'm currently learning for my exams. The tests will start in two and a half week and I'm stressed and really excited.

But last week, I took a break and went with two of my friends to the zoo. Just to clear my head in the current situiation and have fun with my friends. It was a great day. After 6 hours outside, it got a little cold. I took some pictures, here they are:

This is the entrance of "Alaska". The zoo has three parts (Alaska, Africa, Asia), and I like that you almost see no fences anywhere. Either the animals are behind glass panes or seperated by moats.

When we came to the sea lions, we were lucky to see the feeding. I loved how fast they could dive and how funny they look under water ;)

Finally we came to "Asia" and while it began to dawn, lots of really huge bats came out and flew through the big hall, which was a bit like a greenhouse. The bats were really sooo huge. They seem to me like some pterosaurian :)

It was a fun day. I hope I will find some time in the next weeks for some blogging. But now you know that my absence is caused by my exams. After that I will definitely be back regularly.

xo, Mel

~ Let's get lost ~

Sometimes I wish to let everything behind me, pack my bags and go wherever the wind blows me to. Perhaps just by myself. Like Elliott sings "Burning every bridge that I cross to find some beautiful place to get lost". At the moment I'm sitting on my balcony, packed in a fleece suit and starring in the rain, thinking.
Actually I'm on my way to my final exams, which start in 5,5 weeks. Time flies by and while I was lying in bed (the last weeks) with a huge bronchitis and a cough that scares me a lot, because it sounds like I work in a coal mine or something, I had to work, to learn and especially to write every day exercise tests. But...I couldn't. I don't know why. This is the first time in my life, I am really paralyzed in front of some tests. Perhaps my illness doesn't go away due to this current situation. But now I HAVE to make a new start. Being positive again and strong like I was in the past and don't let my stressed nerves freak me out. One of my best friends is telling me the whole time, I won't pass my exams, if I don't learn myself to death right now. What she means is: learning from 8 a.m. to 10 p.m. But I know myself and I know this doesn't work out for me. If I will do that, I'm getting more and more stressed and in the end I will be more worn out than I'm actually are right now.
The problem is: I don't like the subject I'm learning for. I didn't like it during the past, but I didn't quit. It doesn't matter what it is. But I have quickly find a sense in it, because if I wait any longer, it really IS too late. I have to find a way to pass through this next weeks. The tests will go over 2 weeks. After that I'm free. I hope someone believes in me. I know many people who doesn't. But my little sister is always on my side and honestly the best friend you could ever imagine. I don't want to sound so depressed or desperate. I know, times are getting better and anyway, I will go through this all. But at the moment, this is really hard and I try not to wack out. Have you ever been to a similar situation? And how did you deal with it?

Love love, Mel <3

Trip to Botanical Garden

Last weekend, we went to the botanical garden of my ancient university. I often go there at the moment to learn in the library, because the environment is so familiar for me and I'm not alone while I'm sitting there and reading textbooks. When I'm feeling lonely, I can make a call and one of my friends is always available for coffee. Last saturday, we went to the botanic garden, to enjoy nature. But there were so many people. During the week, when I sometimes go there,
there is always just me :)

There is an old tank or pool...whatever. Some weeks ago, a lovely friend of mine showed me, that in this pool are about 10 huge koi-carps and hundreds of small other fishes. They come to the border of the pool and we can feed them. It's amazing, they are so huge and make loud noises when they eat. I tried to make some pictures, but the quality is really bad. I'm sorry for this. Always, I pushed the button on my camera, the kois submerged. It seemed, they didn't want to be photographed. But here are my trials:

The flower has the same colour than my nail polish ;)

Last but not least: me. I'm looking a bit of sad, but I think this comes of my bronchitis, that doesn't go away since 5 weeks and I'm really pissed off. This weekend I nearly spent the whole time in bed, trying to sleep as much as I can to get ready for the week and for learning. My exam tests will start in 6 weeks and I'm so getting nervous. I hope from tomorrow on, everything is getting better :) New week, new luck!

Hope you all have a good start in this week! Love, love, Mel <3

Update on Lina

After some weeks of medication and care, Lina is now feeling well and fit ;) She behaves in a normal way and during the night, she runs in her bogie wheel and collects lots of grains. Due to the last weeks, she got even more gentle. And if I took her on my hand, she cuddles up to me. I think, she knows exactly, that all the bad experiences at the vet and with the medication, that tasted really bad for her, helped her to get better and now being healthy again.
Hope she's keeping well for the rest of her life <3

Dance Dance Dance ♥

Devendra Banhart - A Ribbon

BIG LOVE <3